And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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