It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
