Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
