i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
