Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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