i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize