i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
