first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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