omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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