so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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