I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
