I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
