what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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