This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize