Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
