Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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