What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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