I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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