i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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