You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
