I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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