whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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