Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
