Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
