enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
