no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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