Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
