it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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