If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
