somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Randomize
