she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
