If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
