remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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