Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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