i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
