Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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