My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
