It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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