just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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