I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
