My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
