it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
