Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
