I wish I only lived at night.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
