Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Randomize
