I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My liver just had a heart attack.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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