oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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