Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
