I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
