Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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