It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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