the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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