I hate all girls vehemently.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She even gives head with a lisp.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
