I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
