So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i think i have herpe
just one?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
