You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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