I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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