it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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