So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
