this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
