she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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