just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
