I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
