you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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