Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize