check it out our google latitudes are spooning
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize