You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
