while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
