A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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