so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
