Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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