In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
