what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
as a side note pls kill me
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