You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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