Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
