i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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