so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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