i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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