I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
