I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
