Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
