I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
