never play flip cup with pint glasses
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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