and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I deserve this hangover.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
