She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
