im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
