That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
