i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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