Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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