I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
