whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
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