I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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