he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
