ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
