I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
